Got into a bar fight?
Driving down the freeway at breakneck speed?
If you have been up to some funny business and have been intercepted by the long arm of the law, there are a few conversations you need to steer clear of while speaking with a police officer. Saying the wrong thing to a cop could get you into much more trouble. Here are 7 totally inappropriate comments to say to a cop:
1) “I may have been speeding, but so were you!”
If you were caught speeding in your car trying to recreate the latest Fast & Furious movie, don’t try to be cheeky or smart when a police officer pulls you over. Calling a police officer on speeding along with you will not get you out of your sticky situation but will get you into a bigger one. Remember, they are allowed to speed if they are trying to catch up with you!
2) “Hey, how about we settle this with some Krispy Kreme?”
Bribing a police officer is bad. Bribing them with the biggest cliché in the book is worse. Do police officers love donuts? Who doesn’t? Insulting, bribing, and making fun of a cop, however, will get you nowhere―except maybe in the slammer.
3) “I’ve always been very curious about Tasers and what they feel like.”
Be careful what you wish for. The officer may actually satisfy your curiosity. If you don’t know what a Taser gun feels like, keep it that way! Don’t suggest you would like to give it a shot, and don’t give the officer a reason to show you how it feels.
4) “Aren’t you a little too short to be a cop?”
Like the donut comment, this is another “below the belt” line that can land you in jail. Never comment on the size or shape of a police officer, even if you are trying to be funny. It’s not.
5) “Do you know the lyrics to ‘YMCA’?”
If you thought it’s worth a chuckle to insinuate that the cop who pulled you over is a member of the Village People, think again. He (or she) is in a uniform, not a costume, and he (or she) can make you wish you kept your witty reparté to yourself.
6) “Do you know who I am?”
Your relative might be a big shot, but the cop who pulled you over doesn’t really care. Even if you have a relative who is a police officer, that doesn’t mean you are immune to the law. If you are at fault, stop trying to pull strings.
7) “My tax money pays your salary!”
As a U.S. citizen, it is your duty to pay taxes. Per the Constitution, your tax money goes toward paying the salaries of all government officials. Just because you pay your taxes does not mean you get to make up your own laws on the road or decide on what favors police officers owe you.
Remember: The next time you get pulled over by a police officer, keep your bag of jokes to yourself. Keep it casual and to the point…and you just might squeak away with a warning or a short lecture.
–Written by Benjamin Roussey